On the outside looking in...

I wrote a few ago about how even hermits need the company of their friends. While I still hold steadfast to that position, what happens when the pendulum swings the other way?

I have been feeling all sorts of conflicted feelings about a variety of different things in my life. From simple little things to some pretty major ones. But the one thing I keep coming back to is "What do I want out of life?"

I did my Tarot cards while in college and they predicted that I would fall into a career in which i would be using skills and talents I had previously developed. Well, that has happened, since I am now working in a field in which my wide assortment of random skills fit together. So I guess the cards were right about that much at least.

The thing that is currently throwing me is the "Wish Card" showing up. It is a card that, theory goes, that if it shows up, all if your wishes will come true. But the danger is that you have to be careful what you wish for, since it is not always what you really want, but only what you think you want. I am facing this reality right now.

On paper, or per the cards, I do have everything I thought I ever wanted. But I am still not truly happy. There are specific parts of my life that I am really over the moon about, but those pieces are so small in comparison to the whole picture, that I feel like I cheated myself for wishing for what I did back then. I mean, I was in college, what did I know, right?

But the even scarier part of all of this, is the reality that I cannot blame the people around me for my unhappiness, since they are not the cause, at least directly. I chose the path I am on and am choosing to remain on it.

Does that give me the right to take out my frustrations on those around me? Or am I entitled to the same happiness that everyone else is, regardless of whether I am where I thought I had wanted to be at this point in my life.

I am just not sure anymore. If you know, please let me know...