The modern day Cassandra

Cassandra, daughter of Priam, a prophet who always foresaw doom, and I think I am her modern day reincarnation for my friends.

The only one with the cookie crunch...

Seinfelding experience occurred today when mine was caught in the vending machine.

Finally some good news

I guess the fates are kind in allowing tax code exemptions to not make this upcoming one year anniversary any worse than it already is.

Hiding secrets

I have to wonder how well I know people when they start to lie to me when clearly they know I know the truth.

Only one word can describe today

Enough said.

What a let down

This year with yet another new channel, another new host, and another new format, is just another disappointment.

Just like riding a bike

Sitting down to break bread with a new friend is never as scary as you think when you are out of practice. 

The month of reckoning

Will this be the month that true healing can begin?

Regret

I know I am getting in a bad place when I start to regret the offers I make in kindness.

Again, seriously?

Good to know it is not only my personal life that is in a vicious cycle.

At long freakin last!

My iPhone finally arrived after more drama and I have to it was so worth it all.

Sometimes I wonder...

...if I am trying to correct the past by planning the future.

Pretention at its highest...

...good thing it was at a discounted price.

On my list...

...after a day of calls and screw ups, yeah, they are on my list.

I was speechless...

When not only colleagues are after your ass, is it time to change careers?

Completely unsastisfied

Don't you hate it when the build up so over reaches the climax.

I am taking the plunge...

Coming 1/18/2008 or sometime thereabouts.

Comfort Food

Sometimes nothing else will do.

The zen of laundry

My friends think I am crazy for enjoying laundry day (or weekend now that my washer and dryer as a whole lot smaller than the ones featured in tonight's blog pic).  It is not the waiting that I find enjoyable.  In fact, that is the most tedious part of it.  It is the folding that I find such a zen experience.

Folding is very simple and focused process, sort of like origami, but with larger material.  I do not enjoy the putting away the folded clothes, but the act of folding is very calming and soothing process.  What is even more insane is that it does not need to be my own laundry I am folding, it could be any one's laundry.

So why is this my topic of choice this evening?  Well, today was one of those days I needed a moment of zen and folding provided that to me.  How sad my life is that I am in need of that kind of centering.  What a year this is starting off to be.

Flowers, really?

Sometimes even the effort is just as insulting as the token when getting stood up.

K - A - R - M - A

Karma is a bitch.  But how do you know if the bad shit you are going through is the result of payback for something bad you had done or a way to prepare you for a flood of good fortune?  This is the question that is plaguing me today since I have heard good and bad news about friends and I am of course in a continual pattern of struggle.

So if this is a payback for as previous wrong indiscretion, how do I make amends if I am not sure what the indiscretion was in the first place?  If this is advance suffering for the good times to come, then on what scale do we define good times?  This becomes significant since in bad times, even the smallest thing can seem a jackpot, which then in the long run diminishes it.

Whatever the answer, I am ready to know which cycle I am in so I can plan accordingly.  But isn't the whole point of karmic retribution/reward that is it unexpected?  I have such headache now.

Impure thoughts...

So over the past few days I have been in talks with someone and my thoughts and motivations for these conversations are not the most innocent and I feel may be clouding my mind in a bad way.  But I do not feel like I want to stop.  What does that say about me?

Part of me is believing that in this situation is is partially karmic balance.  But does that make it right to proceed?  Or is this just a second round of giving myself a distraction for the time of year that is coming up?  Either way, not sure what to do at this point.

So where does one go when they need advice on this type of ethical dilemma?  There is no association and can you really discuss it with your friends without looking like an ass?  Well, stay tuned, I am sure the result of this dilemma will make as posting eventually.

Sitting this one out...

Well kids I am just too damn tired of all the bullshit going on around me and need to sit this one out.

Huh?

All day today has been like I am in the clouds.  I can't seem to get myself to focus on ANYTHING!  Well, I did have a focusing moment, but that is not an appropriate topic for this evening's post.  Even trying to write this post I am having trouble focusing.

I think a lot of my problems are related to having had too much down time recently.  Who knew that letting your mind shut off for a bit could result in it not starting up again properly.  If this continues, I may be comatose by the time I go to Vancouver.

Ok, since I cannot seem to focus, I am going to bail on tonight's posting.  Wow...

No longer a laughing matter

I joke about it.  A lot.  But today for the first time, I TRULY feel it.  I had a decent day.  Not a great day, not a bad day, just a day.  I honestly do not have a specific strong feeling one way or the other.  I feel like there is nothing left inside.  At all.

It is coming up, in a few short weeks, on the one year anniversary of the end of the most complicated 5 years of my life.  All I feel about it today is absolutely nothing.  What pain and anger and other emotion that was there, about everything, is gone.  Not even an empty pit, just nothing.

How do you go from having a life full of emotions and feelings to having nothing left.  The well having gone dry.  Do you look for something to kick start it again?  Do you ignore it and hope it corrects itself?  I will let ya all know once I figure it out.

Sassy children...

I am watching Deal or No Deal (since I cannot find much else on right now) and it is a special 80's tribute edition.  The box girls(?) are in bad 80's fashion and the contestant's 8 year old is dressed up to match the box girls.  Makes me want it puke it is so cute.

So the reason I am choosing this as a topic?  The 8 year old is so damn sassy.    She is giving attitude to everyone and everything thing.  What I am thinking is...where the hell do these kids get the freedom to be so sassy?  I know as a kid I was scared to speak, let alone be heard, and kids today are just out there.

Is this a sign of the more global world in which we are truly one people?  A lack of discipline from parents?  Or is it a sign of a society in which traditional boundaries like tact and common courtesy are no longer necessary.  While I am all for open communication, I am not sure that a retreat or abandonment of those tried and true elements to social interaction.  But then again, what do I know, I was accused of stalking someone last week...

I want to get off...

Tonight's blog pic is of a merry-go-round.  Similar to the one I used to use as a child at Memorial Park.  I was known for being able to spin it faster than anyone else.  Who knew this would become a metaphor for my life.

I know that my life is feeling very out of control and that I want to get off the merry-go-round for a bit.  It is not so much the work or the financial shit hole or even my lack of a proper love life.  I think it is just that as I am reaching another birthday, I want to have my life slow down so I can take stock of where I am, were I want to go.  Especially since it has been about a year since the 4.5  year experiment in domesticity.

It has been over 10 years since I graduated college and been living in Seattle and it is time that I get my world in focus on what I want for me for once and stop adjusting my life to satisfy those around me.  It is me time.  Self-help guru like, yes, but damn it, it's time!

A new place to do your business

What does tactless mean to you?  To me, at the present moment, means acting like little bitter, bitchy, snippy high school kids.  I experienced this type of behavior in adults recently.  I could not believe I was seeing this in Seattle, let alone, amongst adults.

When I was in high school, I was subject to this type of behavior and it was one of the main reasons I am the severe reclusive introvert I am today.  So anytime I see that sort of behavior around me, or even in a not so close proximity to me, I cringe...and die a little bit inside.

What made the incident I saw recently so much worse, it was about someone I like as a person.  I will admit, that the reaction was instigated, but the voracity and continuous nature of it, was deplorable.  I used to think that I just found people around me who were of a lower personal calibre to engage in such bullshit.  Now, I am beginning to think that people in general just suck.

Not so cute when you are accused of it...

Stalking -- we joke about it -- we may even experience it -- and thanks to RCW 9A.46.110 it is illegal in Washington State.  The things is, one person's stalking could be another's showing interest.  It is a fine line, isn't it?

In today's modern world, with so much hustle and bustle, how do you know what is the appropriate amount of attention to pay, to make your intentions of interest known, without being accused to stalking someone?  Difficult question indeed, since to not show enough attention, you may give the impression of indifference and to give too much attention, you get the stalking card.

Add to that the other person's perceptions and baggage, how can anyone safely connect in this crazy faced paced world.  I know I am personally taking a break from the whole merry go round, since I have been burned one too many times now.  I just give up.

The Urban Gym Bunny

Ever since puberty I have had frustrations regarding my weight.  So once I moved back to Capitol Hill I decided to join the Gold's Gym on Broadway.  It is nearby, the membership seemed reasonable and I definitely needed the stress relief.  But once I started a routine, SIFF hit and the routine was interrupted -- until today.

Now I knew Gold's was notoriously cruisey, but that did not really seem to be a deterrent for me, since I people watch all the time anyway.  I never thought though that my people watching would be a distraction and prevent me from focusing on working out -- even if I am just am doing tedious cardio.

But I think what freaks me out more, and how I never have noticed this before, is the posing and posturing that goes on at the gym.   The same bullshit that makes me not want to go out to bars and clubs, is infesting the health and fitness world.  What the fuck?

You know it is a new year and a new me when I start using colorful superlatives in the blog...just watch out Sean C. At the Movies.

A new chapter...

So I decided that with the new year I decided that this blog should return to be more about hysterical ramblings than a recounting of daily annoyances.  In that vein, I have begun a personal journal (again!) but this time using the wonders of Mac's iCal program.  

I have tried personal journal's over the years and never made it past a few weeks.  I am hoping that my need to remember the past and to gain prevent future wrongs will be the needed motivation to get this new personal journal off the ground and staying power.

But on a lighter note, I am happy to say that tonight's journal entry will include some very positive moments and hopefully a new beginning for a new year in a new direction.  Here's to hoping.