When I was growing up holidays in my house were not happy, joyous, or times to be thankful for family and friends. Our holidays were the reminder of lost loved ones and the effects said losses had on those left behind. In short, holidays in my house as a child were times I dreaded year after year. I had hoped that holidays as an adult would be better since I would be spending them with the family I made, but I was wrong. After 3 years of spending the holidays with my now ex-in-laws, I spend last year away in Canada with friends. I should have known that it was a first sign of the inevitable end of that dysfunctional meretricious relationship after 4.5 years.
So today, on this Thanksgiving Day, I decided that I needed to be alone. I needed time to clear my head and to regroup after what has turned out to be a very difficult year for me. Right, wrong or indifferent, I think this was the right decision for me since I am feeling more hermit like than normal. Even my animals have noticed the change in me and I am hoping that in time I can find my way back to the person I thought I was and the person I still want to be in the future.
Fingers crossed!
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