Laying the groundwork and blowing my mind...

The season premier was well written, well acted, and a perfect blueprint for the things to come - - damn, I wish i wrote that well.

Good luck next time...

I was almost fooled -- AGAIN! But not this time. I started to think that I needed to forget the past and embrace the present. But not this time. I saw the true colors come out and they did not match mine.

I was almost fooled to think that the same words from someone different would have a different meaning. But I was wrong. I started to think that with an increase in intelligence came a reduction in selfishness. But not this time. I saw the a reflection from my past looking me in the face.

I was almost fooled into repeating the same mistake - AGAIN! I started to think that I could not be on my own. But I was wrong. I started to think that I needed someone by my side to be complete. But not this time. I saw the inner strength inside to end a cycle that has repeated itself for far too long.

Quiet, dignity and grace...

Not just for Dr. Frankenstein anymore...

Teetering on the edge...

It seems that all too often in my life I am on the brink of falling over the edge of the cliff that is my life going into the crapper. Today I was faced with a very harsh reality that I wish I had never had to confront. In order to to protect the innocent, I cannot disclose the reality, but I can say that it has put me in a position in which many of my loved ones are now at intense risk.

How did I get myself into this situation? Part myself, part others, and part just the universe hating me. Unfortunately, I am not sure that there will be an escape this time. Unlike tonight's blog photo, I cannot see a way to slip through this situation.

Is it time for me to give in? is it time for me to admit defeat? I think it might be...

Second chances...

Sometimes in life you make decisions that are not always the right ones the first time around. Sometimes you do not realize it until you are least expecting the issue to come to light. Sometimes it only takes a word or phrase in the background to get you thinking about that decision.

I realized today that my dream of finding the man who brings me a white rose may have just been that -- a dream. I realized today that my baggage from the past was clouding my judgment about the present. I realized today that you only get so many chances for happiness.

Today I am taking steps to make a change in my life. Today I am taking steps to get closure on the past. Today I am taking steps to find myself a partner for the future.

Surreal World...

Have you ever had one of these days where you feel like you are standing on the edge of the end of the world? A day where things are beyond not quite right and are all the way to complete prism looking shit? I have had one of those days today.

From work to home to cyber space, everything just was wonky -- at least from my perspective. I have written in the past how I thought I was looking my mind, but I do not think this is what the issue is today. More like I have finally entered the Twilight Zone.

Rod Serling, if you're out there, I'm home...

Mind blowing television...

The following program contains scenes which may be disturbing to younger or more sensitive viewers. Please be advised.

So begins the final two episodes of Season 3 of Doctor Who a show that has been in existence in some form of another since 1963. This most recent season finale is just as mind bending as anything that could be imagined. And this is why I am not ashamed to say that film is the new literature.

To me it does not matter the medium as long as it provides the most intense mental imagery and thought provoking after shocks that can be possible when drug free. I know I was completely unprepared for what happened here and know that I am not alone.

It is days like this that make me glad to be in a digital age. Now much like a book you can read over and over, the same is possible with television and movies. All I can say is that today is a good day.

Getting back to zero...

I sometimes find that I need to get away from everything in order to get some clearer perspective on stuff. But all too often returning only brings a smaller focus (obsession) on an individual within the bigger picture. And there in lies the problem...

If distance is supposed to being greater perspective, then why does it only bring me more questions than answers. And more questions about the bigger picture? I can never tell anymore if it is that I am just faced with herculean problems or my mind is just becoming oatmeal.

Either way I need to figure out a way to discern small from large, clear from blurry. Any ideas?

What do you do with a BA in English?

Apparently not as good at Scrabble as one would think you would be...

The great escape...

So was I not the only one needing an escape from Seattle?

Mental overload...

My head...is killing me...does this mean I need a doctor?

Case closed...

The case of the suicidal slayer and his identity stealing victim/wife is over...

Drawing a blank...

I just cannot remember anything about today...how said is that?

Mystery unfolds....

The Internet is a wild and crazy roller coaster of an invention. You can find almost anything on anyone with just the few clicks of your mouse. The power of information at your fingertips can be a totally amazing thing, but what happens when you stumble across information that you did not really want or need to know?

Do you give in to the morbid curiosity? Do you try to avoid your eyes but secretly struggle between looking and not looking? Or do you do the prim and proper thing and avert your eyes and never speak of the information again to anyone or anything?

If you are me you do a little bit of everything. I first look, then feel guilty, and then cannot help but disclose the information to the person for whom it is referenced. I do so not for judgment but so I can understand, since I cannot always reconcile the different aspects of people I know and since I am a freak, I need to, otherwise my head will explode.

So yeah, in case it was not clear before, I am a freak!

Lights, camera and a whole lot of action...

I never thought there could be too many movies flooding in my head in a single day and then I watched three in one day at home...I may never be the same again.

Hiding out...

Somedays you just need a quiet place to hide and cower and be alone with yourself...

Just plain old frustrating...

You wait and wait and wait and your paycheck is still wrong...

Addiction v. Service

No matter what I do I always get the worst service when I do, but it is just so damn addictive...

Off my radar...

Somedays doing my blog is just completely absent from my mind...

People are strange...

So I am walking home from work today and I accidentally overhear the following, "One of them is ass ugly, one of them is medium ugly.." Then I am watching someone lay on the horn as he is tailgating this guy during downtown rush hour traffic. No one pauses, no one shocked, or surprised, just everyone going about their day like it is any other day. And that is what sets me off today...

People are damn strange. I am all about diversity among people. I like to know people's differences since I find we all can compliment each other in some way (if we try hard enough). But what gets me is how so much strangeness can happen all around us and no one notices anymore. How have we have become so numb to the colors and flavors and sights and sounds around us as to not notice anything anymore?

Is it me? Do I watch too much strange stuff in my spare time so that I am hyper aware of everything around me? But has that made me numb to the simple pleasures of life? If that is so, is that the reason I stayed in a relationship for far too long that was not functional? Is that why I possibly gave up too soon on another? All I know is that I just need to get out of this funk soon. I am getting too old to keep doing this hamster wheel anymore...

Rethinking everything...

Do you ever have days where you start to question every decision you ever made? Question the decision you not only made recently, but the decisions you made years ago? Do you ever begin to question how your life can have ended up where it is based on those decisions you have made?

Well, if you are me, you thought about that on 9/12/2006. How funny that almost a year later I am in the same place in my life I was then. Sort of at least.

A year ago I was living in West Seattle with my ex. Today I am living on Capitol Hill with a friend. I am still at the same job. Still liking it for the most part. A lot of my friends I was keeping myself surrounded with a year ago are not distant or gone from my life for one reason or another.

Just makes one wonder whether there is such a thing as progress or if we are simply all just in the same never ending circle. If we are in a circle, what blinds us from remembering where we have been before? These are questions I need to answer. So I can learn from the past so I can make sure I am making progress, since I am damn tired of sitting still.

Tired, old and feeling obsolete...

Like the television here, I am feeling a bit out of place in the world right now...

Inspiring my desire to write again...

I saw the premier of Torchwood, the Doctor Who spin-off tonight. I have to say it has been one of the most enjoyable premiers I have seen for a new show in some time. It is throughout, developed, and due to its interconnectedness to Doctor Who, has raised a lot of literary questions for me and the inner geek in me likes nothing more than that.

As my work is getting more routine and my intellectual curiosity is getting reawakened. It is making me want to go back to school for something more in the vein of my creative desires. But where to find the time and money for another school undertaking, let alone, finding the right program. I mean, it took me over two years to find the right paralegal program for me.

I think it is time for me to get back to what is more me -- more in touch with my creative side. It is long overdue and I think the world may finally be ready to hear my voice. Maybe even I am ready to let the world hear my voice. What a thought...

Warning signs...

Getting old before one's time is more than just passing out in front of the fire (or television in my case), isn't it?

...

...some days ya just feel like a blank screen waiting for someone to come write on you.

Who is he hurting?

While on the bus today I had to ask myself, is the guy sitting across from me reading scripture aloud really hurting anyone, or is the guy giving him shit for it just being an ass?

What's your guilty pleasure...

So I have been spending a lot of time watching certain television programs that could be considered guilty pleasures. Like a soap opera, a sop operas reality show, and of course, the standard science fiction that is a hallmark of my high school geekdom. But lately these pleasures are more than just a hobby, they have become therapeutic.

As my readers know I have been having a hell of a year. From the break up to work drama to learning things about my friends I wish I had not known, I have just been bombarded with a lot of negative and unwanted information. So it is these guilty pleasures that help me counteract all of that and make me feel level headed.

How strange that what is normally considered to rot the brain is what is keeping mine float. What does that say about where my head is? What does that say about me in general?

Starting from square one...

Ever wonder why your life always seems to be starting from the same point, no matter how far you have come? Could it be that life is a series of interconnected squares that all look alike, even though they are in a different place in time and space? I am not sure about you, but it sure as hell feels like that to me lately.

I thought I has started on a new path since the end of my last period of my life. Looking at things now, seems that not only am I in the same financial place, but I was starting to get into the same relationship place.

But I have learned quite a lot since the last time I was in this place and am starting to make adjustments to prevent a continued repeat of the past. Does that mean the never ending squares are a maze leading to and end and not just a circle?

In any event, I am just getting tired of treading water and by goodness, I had better have a better quarter, or I am going to ask for a ruling...

Alone with one's thoughts...

Can be a very scary proposition if you are not ready for what you are going to see.

Let's just be friends...

Sometimes it is just not that easy.